The worst thing could happen to you is you figure out you are diagnosed with nothingness mood/ state. You know when it’s there around and within. Some symptoms that I might cite here are tiredness, anxiety, fear of future, and the most bitter is it feels like you are more tempted to sinning. Briefly, heart is at its lowest faith so you sort of avoid going into the Halal-Haram ( good-wrong) argumentation. You just do whatever feels desirable to your nafs (ego). Surely it’s Shaytan/ devil doing its whispers into you; like you’re being spelt on with the dearest nafs (ego) magic. It takes place at a blink of eye, that you find you’re heavy in the heart, that you need to be purified. You see this is all because of your nothingness situation/ state.

Isn’t scary to death you feel out of your Wakar ( sanity/ spiritual peacefulness) ?



Baseless Reaction

I’m attracting to the idea of keeping silent. Whatever it’s going on, I’m forcing myself not to speak out. I have a voice, though. But I don’t think I have the wisdom. Having a voice without the wisdom which will strengthen its intonation/ emphasis is baseless, is a waste of time and energy.

All I read from posts some guys post on their facebook are but momentous pulses. They react to things just for the sake that they like to be perceived as intellectual people, that they have their opinions. Reacting to surroundings out of sound knowledge/ reference, know that it’s coming from their unsound judgments. It goes like, » there’s an issue going on, why not giving my opinion, why not writing about it ( no researching taking place for the truth). It’s the new brand. Write a post reacting to situations going on within or around. What I’m trying to refer to is that not everyone could come up with a sound wise reaction/ opinion/ comment.
Many are just creating more propaganda for the sake of their self-recognition. They want to be recognized as activists or intellectuals. Please you have to know that intelluctuality is not about this, but is about having well-researched publications( books, articles…)
Intelluctuality suggests you’re becoming a reference.

Guys, stop reacting as some media do. Peace of mind is a goal/ a right which some try to destroy it.


Crazy or Not Crazy

What keeping me from going crazy is that I don’t know I’m indeed currently crazy. I always thought I would create something insane. I always saw in me someone extremely important. To what criteria, I cannot say. I don’t seem to believe I know it.

Reading some type of original stories has been impacting me on a great level; I think I’m someone important to the world I’ve been setting for my personality. Schizophrenic I am, don’t you consider it?

Getting back where I used to have fun trying to solve a math equation, I remember I was into numbers. To high school, I figured out I was no longer having the feeling of fun doing math; I became useless at getting the whole matter behind solving equations nor doing calculations. All’s messed up. As though I lost my pride; mathematics was my pride.
But I realized that solving equations is not the essence of mathematics, instead knowing where the equations were leading me to is the matter. The larger meaning behind figuring out an equation. That day I started to develop a sense of failure. I was no longer into numbers. They outsmarted me. I couldn’t keep up with them. And there’s the other truth I couldn’t bear it’s really the truth- that I’ve never been a mathematician. It’s average level that’s why it’s gone.

I’ve been accusing my heart of all the things occurred to me up to now. Losing to its urges turned me dumb. Stupidity of some kind, which I didn’t dream of, crippled to my brain. It then stopped functioning. Numbers got out of it. I turned out bad at calculating even easy calculations.

At university, I switched to study English. I struggled especially with realizing how to structure my essays. Getting rid of the translation from my mother tongue to English was hard to solve out. I got helped from a comment on one of my writings and so tried to structure it as conventions dictate.

Do you know what’s crazy about diagnosing my craziness is that I still don’t know when I’ll be all focused, that is, having a goal or a dream or an insane idea!

Life’s about getting to know my purpose, trying to approach it, or never I will have children.

See how my mind connects things? Out of order to the chaos driven by failures… Good Night and for some: Good morning.

Short Self-talk

If I happen to go astray, a lover of khair (goodness) should help me back to the right track. Since we are here it means we are meant to undergo so many paths, looking for the straight one. And when we find it we’re still meant to be tested, because this life is a place of trails. We cannot know what will take place next so we are supposed to get reminded of death every time. It’s the only way to straighten up, getting rid of our misguided thoughts. We’re to double check our intentions if they are purely for the sake of Allah!? We need Him; He doesn’t. Keep it in mind this upcoming month has to be different, has to be our chance to better, refine ourselves from within, to be more of a soul, not mere a body. May Allah bless s with the good intention to (soul) fast, to spread the word of Allah, to forgive, to be of help to others, to bring happiness wherever we go, to please Allah…

I cry that I’ve been giving up on bettering myself…

Digging To Know

I’ve been practicing writing randomly. Yet, I learnt that there’s no logic in my paragraphs. For one, I’ve been writing sort of fiction, solely to get used to writing.

Now I think I’m at another level. It’s critical thinking level. I realized that writing somehow taught me to criticise my potential. I started to question why. Why do I need to write? Exactly why bother writing ignorantly? I noticed my writing is out of order. I’m not organized in terms of coherence and cohesion. And that’s the one reason why most of my ideas go unnoticed; because of my poor structure and poor vocabulary. Instead of saying it simplified, I tend to structure it wrongly soulless. Having realised it, from now on, I’ll be paying attention to my reasoning. In addition, if I cannot write it is because I have nothing to say. It’s not I don’t know how to write. The how* dilemma is for the editing part.

Now I’m concentrating on the why. Knowing my why will automatically push me to do my reading. And again reading is not reading a lot of material but reading is selecting what interests my why*. It’s there. I’ll recognize it. It comes as result the art of taking notes. It’s really art as you would know it but it’s for the sake of attention. Still, taking notes is an art few know how to do it, and those few who can produce good writing. And it means I have to paraphrase, not annotate what my reading material imposes on me. This cliché « use your own words » is what works out here. Because I do it as I understand what I write, I build up my understanding of the topic so it becomes easy to produce my own writing. In fact, this progression will teach me critical thinking, and writing will teach me to practise my critical thinking. For the best way to learn critical thinking is to write. And to write, I have to know why I want to write since this why is what will push me to read critically. In the end, it’s how writers do it. They write well because they have enhanced on their criticality through actual self-recognised writing.

Creative Style

Writing style cannot be achieved by merely memorizing syntactical rules. If you want to have a style of your own, there’s one way to do it, which is to do extended reading. Reading many good writing styles, in parallel with practising writing, will markedly foster your writing style. There’s a fundamental relationship between reading and writing as well as listening and speaking do have critical relationship.
Theory of SLA says that we acquire language from the first place in the womb, and that’s noticeably observed in children first utterances and cries when they come to existence. Because of the fact that ears are first to function in human, babies start acquiring it in the womb. As they are born, they utter sounds. Knowing that listening is the first thing to occur, then it results in utterances as a way of imitation of what’s been stored. Similarly, I believe, reading and writing are interconnected. By so doing plenty of reading, writing style will automatically be perfected through practice. Moreover, I see that if second language learners want to improve their writing styles, they will have to take the fact of first language acquisition into consideration, and start practising creative writing as well. Indeed, creative writing is the way to make second language learners express themselves freely, without paying more attention to grammar. My hypothesis is that they need to write whatever they think about, using their own words. I see they have to sell themselves, making no fuss about being wrong. Factually, this way will make them think in the language to which they’ve been exposed, and so they will describe it in their compositions. They shouldn’t be worried about its rules at first, but instead should spend more time on listening to native speakers. As a result, they will acquire the notion of language judgements and acceptability. They will judge their use of it, if it is acceptable or not; well-formed or ill-formed. In brief, too much listening to native speakers will help you automatically to speak their language the same as they form it. As one becomes a good speaker, his writing will sound proficient. So all he needs is getting his style perfected through studying its syntax; going from descriptive approach to prescriptive approach.

There’s one specific solution when it comes to writing readable organized whatever kind of writing you make: Academic or non-academic. It’s building a habit of reading to understand what you read. I believe that inadequate reading results in ambiguous writing, where one cannot know what the writer is saying. Syntax says that we can come up with many surface structures out of one basic deep structure. This is actually the same with reading. Having focused on one book to read, you would come to many conclusions in different forms, stimulated by that book. Like, as you have your reading habit planted, your understanding competence is therefore accentuated. In parallel, your composition will get readability. This means you no longer write aimlessly. You now value your writing by understanding that you have to do reading and research.